personal power

Step Out of the Drama and Into Your Personal Power

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You’re an intuitive leader who has been asked to create more time and energy to grow your team or business. Never been more important to step into your personal power, but how do you create more time and energy without the drama, burnout, and overwhelm?

 

Enter the Drama Triangle: the mindset tool to identify your blind spots and break the cycle of repetitive thinking that is blocking your personal and professional growth.

In this article, you are going to learn

  • What the Drama Triangle is
  • Your role in the Drama Triangle
  • Three mindset tools to pop out of the Drama Triangle
  • How to harness your talent, creativity, and intuitive mindset, as a Creator, Coach and Mentor.

What is the Drama Triangle?

 

The drama triangle is a popular psychological model of how dysfunctional our social and emotional interactions with others can be when we are coming from our Paradox Pattern. Each type of energy in the triangle–victim, abuser, and rescuer–has its own flavor of paradox. The triangle keeps us stuck inside of our repetitive patterns to, as Carl Jung would say, mask our fullest self, our desires, and our potential.

What role do you take on in the Drama Triangle: victim, rescuer, and abuser?

 

What role do you play in the Drama Triangle?

PSA: This is the hard part, this is where you will be triggered. You will think, “But I’m not a victim! I don’t do that!” If you notice that type of reaction popping up for you, this is the opportunity to practice creating white space and to be with the thought a little bit longer. A trigger is a space to learn from, not run from.

Step into the discomfort of whatever may show up for you. This is your opportunity to gain massive self-awareness and pop out of thoughts you may have held as truth. Let’s begin.

 

1. Victim Energy in the Drama Triangle

The victim’s primary fear is that they are unlovable and not enough, which expresses itself in different ways. When the victim feels wronged they see life through a lens of constant defeat and lack of control.

“Poor me, there’s nothing I can do about this because these things always happen to me.”

Be careful playing the victim because your story of “never being able to catch a break” will manifest itself through sub-par opportunities, proving to yourself that you are a victim. The victim will apply for jobs they don’t want and don’t receive calls back for, justifying they never get what they want.

2. Rescuer Energy in the Drama Triangle

The rescuer always has time for others, helping everyone around them but themselves. The “office mom” is an example of this energy. For all you people pleasers out there doing other people favors, gosh, that’s very sweet of you, but does it leave you depleted with little to no energy for yourself? What are you avoiding in yourself by helping others all the time?

For all you people pleasers out there, ever noticed that your actions are rooted in the fear that you may not be needed? Do you overextend yourself–depleting your energy and bandwidth–to help people?

Again, if this is triggering you, stick with it, I will turn it around and show you how to flip the script on the Drama Triangle Energy into Creative Thinking.

3. Abuser Energy in the Drama Triangle

And finally, the bully of the group, the abuser who is never wrong and is always overcompensating to prove to others that they are always right.

The abuse can show up as misogyny, sexism, and racism or may show up in subtle microaggressions and gaslighting. The worst abuser of them all is the one in your head bullying you to believe that only your logic is logical, “It’s us against them!”
Notice when you try to control everything and everyone in your life at the cost of deep relationships and sharing your vulnerability. Do you find that you are never wrong and easily blame the weather, traffic, your aching back, or your co-worker for that thing that happened?

Perhaps your inner bully comes out when you’re stressed and lashes out at the people you love the most.

You can be any combination of these personas, and they all fall into the category of a victim mentality–one that does not take personal responsibility for your actions.

Hey, listen, I’ve taken on every one of these personas.

 

I’m a victim when it comes to my time. “Poor me, I never get any alone time!” I play the rescuer role with my husband, “I can sense you’re stressed because of work, don’t worry, I’ll go to the store, get dinner, do the dishes, and put the kids to bed. Don’t worry, I’ve got all of this handled.”

I’ve also played the abuser, mostly with myself…I try to control everything to feel like I have a sense of normalcy while the world is upside down when in reality, control leaves me depleted and in a low-energy vibration–which inevitably attracts more low-energy vibrations—so I try to control things harder. Ridiculous cycle when you take a deep look, right?

And, there’s nothing wrong with the drama triangle’s personas, unless you are harming yourself or others. Noticing your role in the Drama Triangle will help you see the contrast between what may be burning you out, and what is possible.

So how do you unhook from these powerful anchors in your consciousness?

Especially when we love a juicy drama-filled reality show?

Especially when it’s easier to blame others rather than trust ourselves.

We must begin to religiously trust ourselves and our intuition instead of loving and fueling the drama.

Inner trust is practiced in the white space between your default reaction and a new choice. Building a relationship with inner trust becomes one in vulnerability and faith that you’ve got this.

How do you step out of the Drama Triangle and into your Intuitive Leadership?

Victim to Creator.

What’s missing for the Victim in the Drama Triangle is any sense of connection to themselves or others.

You are an intuitive leader, use your creative consciousness to step out of the drama, set an intention for who you want to be, and stand in your personal power.

  • Notice your mindset
  • Set an intention
  • Stand in your power

Declare who you want to be. I am someone who pursues creativity every day. I am someone who finds the best in every situation. Saying “I am” statements alerts your conscious and subconscious self that you are, indeed, capable of being that person.

Rescuer to Coach.

What’s missing for the Rescuer in the Drama Triangle is self-love and acceptance that you are valuable outside of helping others.

Instead of trying to save everybody to prove that you’re right and have ‘it handled’, alert your inner trust to believe in yourself. You are worthy beyond your need to rescue others.

When you feel the need to jump in to save the day I want you to pause for 5-seconds. Mel Robbins gave the 5-second rule legs in her book.

  • Pause for 5 seconds to give the room breathing space for someone else to answer the question, suggest an alternative, or do it themselves.
  • Give people the benefit of the doubt that THEY’VE got it, and you don’t need to step it. From this place, the rescuer becomes the coach.
  • Be a stand for empowering questions and enable people to heal themselves.
  • Don’t give answers, simply ask questions, and give people their power back by toning down your default reaction to rescue.

Believe me, people are stronger than you think if you give them the chance.

Abuser to Mentor.

What’s missing for the Abuser in the Drama Triangle is calm, peace, and any space for understanding.

Instead of trying to bully and control your way to the top of the food chain, use the “Yes, and?” approach.

When you have the urge to say, “No, do it this way.”

Use the improvisational tool of “Yes, and” “That sounds like an interesting idea, and what else would you like to do? Yes, let’s do it, and what else?”

When you come from curiosity you can connect and mentor others to rise to their full potential.

Instead of dominating and conversation, rise and become a source of inspiration and support.

To sum up: here are the 3 mindset tools I shared to connect to your intuition rather than the drama

  • Pause for 5-seconds
  • “I am” Practice
  • “Yes, and?” Practice

If these mindset flips feel daunting, I get it. No one has as much stress or takes on as much responsibility as high-performing leaders and business owners who are also practicing their intuition through leadership and decision making.  People who are already at the top of their game and are committed to creating a new way of being from joy and ease. rather than worry and overwhelm.

Just think, if you put these three practices into place, and build your inner trust, this time next year, who would you be?

  • Someone who is connected to their intuition
  • Someone who stays out of the Drama Triangle
  • Someone who trusts and believes in their personal and professional power.

Being an intuitive leader has challenges, but here’s the truth: your potential is bigger than what you currently believe.
Uncover your role in the Drama Triangle and how to pop out of it using these three mindset tools to embody your highest and best self.

Take it a step further and download your free ebook of the best-selling book Find Your Clear Vision and look at the Paradox Pattern’s Manifesto.

When you uncover the blind spots in your thinking by identifying your role in the Drama Triangle you’ll be ready to build your Clear Vision.

Life and Creative Leadership Coach in Chicago

Hi there!

I'm Lisa Guillot, a Chicago-based creative soul turned transformational leadership coach, with business and branding chops. I blend mindset magic with strategic branding.
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